If thoughts of precarious Venice slowly sinking into the Mediterranean threaten to ruin your next gondola ride, the Hotel Cipriani has the perfect distraction: onboard massages. While lying face-down in a boat may not seem like a guarantee for relaxation, the hotel promises a custom-made mat to keep you away from any water. What else do you get for around $590? A 40-minute massage focusing on the neck, shoulders, and head with a special sunscreen-infused oil to prevent that American-tourist-with-heatstroke look, plus a foot massage and iced tea to, er, finish you off. If pride, and not price, is a deterrent, keep in mind it all goes down in a private corner of the Venetian lagoon. The hotel -- founded by the same Ciprianis that run the namesake restaurant -- is celebrating its 50th anniversary, which means you should stop by post-massage for gold-drenched drinks, food, and even spa treatments. If it all seems a little decadent in light of the anemic dollar, remember: enjoying Venice is a limited-time offer. --WYATT JANSEN

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